'I'm nearly 40 and want to ask my cheating ex to get me pregnant'

Dear Coleen

I split up with my partner about 18 months ago after finding out he’d been sleeping with someone else and that she was about to have his baby. A mutual friend gave me the heads up and when I confronted him, it all came spilling out. It was horrible at the time but, against all the odds, we’ve become friends again.

We’re both currently single – the mother of his child decided she didn’t want a relationship with him after all. I’ve seen him with his daughter and he’s a great dad, and is taking the responsibility seriously. Which brings me to my question, I’ll be 40 next year and would love to try to have a child before I run out of time.

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I’m thinking of asking him to do the honours and get me pregnant and want to know if you think it’s a crazy idea. The way I look at it is that I know him inside out, I used to love him very much and I know he’d step up and be a proper father. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a romantic relationship with him again – that ship has sailed – but I think we’d get on very well as co-parents.

Coleen says

He might be doing a good job as a dad, but why would he want a second child with another woman he’s not in a relationship with? Making a baby together might sound like a lovely idea, but what about the longevity of what comes after? What if he meets the love of his life and disappears to have a family with her?

What if he’s actually not that great after the baby is here? Are you fully on board with raising a child alone? Also, think more about what would be best for you. It seems like the idea of falling in love with someone and having their baby isn’t even on the agenda. Maybe you’re panicking a bit because the big 4-0 is coming up and you want to seal the deal.

If your ex is keen to help, then please be realistic about your expectations of each other. We’re talking the next 20 years of your lives, so it’s a big decision. Consider all the possible pitfalls and scenarios, and talk about them. But I can’t help thinking that an anonymous sperm donation would be a lot less complicated than having a baby with your ex.

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